I think I found the issue, when I first set the file up, I set it up with MacOS as the primary destination then added in iOS later, I tried using iOS as the primary destination and it worked just fine!

It is worth a shot, it can't make things any worse, so I think I am going to give it a try, Thank you

That's really insightful, thank you. Unfortunately I have a 21 inch Imac so adding extra ram is out of the question I suspect. I just need Xcode to be workable and not constantly be quitting on me, do you think switching to a external SSD would improve the performance at all or would it still be throttled by the lack of RAM? Thank you