So I went to "support > contact us" page and saw my open report to apple, regarding the wait. In there, there's a request a call feature inside the "get more help" button. In moments someone gave me a call. I explained I was waiting a week. He apologised, put me on a brief hold, and then pushed the application through so now my account no longer reads as "pending". I very much encourage anybody else facing long waits to follow this pattern.

It's terrifying to hear some have waited 7 months. I'm on my 7th day. Very confused. And I'm based in the United States, so there's no international stuff getting in the way.