Update, day 16. Honestly? I'm running out of polite ways to describe this.
After SEVEN days sitting in the queue, a reviewer finally opened our resubmission today. Total review time: a few minutes. Result: rejected. "The app launched to an indefinite and unresponsive black screen" on an iPad Air M3, screenshot attached.
Except here is what our server logs say: ZERO requests from the review device. Not one packet ever reached us. The same build loads perfectly on our own iPads against production, right now. The reviewer's own screenshot shows a VPN icon in the status bar — our app uses certificate pinning, and any TLS-inspecting VPN kills every request at the client. The device could not reach the internet. The app was reviewed, and rejected, on a connection where no app that talks to a server could possibly work.
Yes, part of this is on us and I'll own it: our splash sat there silently instead of saying "no connectivity". That is a real bug and we fixed it THE SAME DAY — visible notice, retry button, resubmitted this afternoon. That is not the part that makes me want to put my head through a wall.
The part that does: there is no human being you can talk to. Seven days of silence, then minutes of review on a broken network, then a rejection letter, and now — what, another seven days? One message before rejecting — "hey, black screen on launch, anything on your side?" — costs a reviewer two minutes and would have saved BOTH of us a week. That conversation is simply not available while you sit in the queue. Expedited request: confirmed, then ignored. Support case: "proceeding normally, no action needed", six days later. An App Review appointment: declined. We have a public launch on September 1 and the only thing between us and it is a queue nobody can see into.
We did everything you are supposed to do. Fixed every guideline point within hours, attached the demo video they asked for, answered every question in writing. It has not bought us a single day.
For anyone else in this thread: if your app pins certificates, assume review happens behind a TLS-inspecting proxy and make absolutely sure your first screen SAYS SOMETHING without connectivity. A silent splash equals 2.1(a), full stop. And log everything server-side — our logs are the only reason we know the device never reached us, instead of chasing a crash that does not exist.
Android: same build, submitted today, live within hours. No drama, no mystery, actual release notes. The contrast does itself.
Topic:
App Store Distribution & Marketing
SubTopic:
App Review