Thanks for posting this. Really called out a problem with offering a lifetime, non-consumable IAP along with subs.
The way I will handle this is, and note that my subs go by device (so iPad only, or iPhone only, or iPad-iPhone etc.):
To the user it will look like it's part of the subscription group
If they have an active subscription on the current device... then they can't purchase anything so that's fine.
If they have no active subscription then they can purchase from the group
If they have an active subscription but it's NOT valid for the current device, they would need to crossgrade. Show an alert explaining that they need to cancel their sub first.
"100% guaranteed we will get a lot of 1-star reviews because people won't notice/will forget/will ignore the notifications and then be angry with us over the extra charge." True. Definitely don't sell a thing contingent on some later action. Don't sell the thing until they unsubscribe.
And then you might lose them, so
If they have an active subscription but it's NOT valid for the current device, they don't see the lifetime option.